In my first piece, I argued that contempt, not disagreement, tears communities apart. There is another layer to it. We are stuck in toxic polarization. It is an “us versus them” pattern where the party becomes identity, losses feel existential, and compromise looks like betrayal. And it is exhausting. In fact, 87% of Americans are exhausted by how politically divided we are.
Toxic polarization grows when we start seeing people on the other side as less than human. We turn them into enemies in our minds, not just wrong but evil, while convincing ourselves that our side is pure. Once that kicks in, listening gets hard. Understanding gets harder. Common ground vanishes.
Toxic polarization isn’t just a bunch of heated arguments, it’s a pattern that keeps pulling us back into the same fight. That’s why one good conversation, by itself, rarely changes much. Experts like Peter Coleman say these divisions act like a strong current: if we don’t change the conditions around us, we get swept back in. Dialogue matters, but it works best when we also change how we live and work together, what projects we share, what spaces we meet in, and which parts of our identity we choose to highlight.
So, yes, better conversations matter. But we also need places and projects that keep putting us together as neighbors and coworkers, not just partisans.
• We do not have to invent this from scratch. In Oregon, Braver Angels runs structured workshops that help people “depolarize within,” and Red/Blue conversations where small groups clarify disagreements and look for common values. These are not free for alls. They are well facilitated and skill-builders. See more at braverangels.org/oregon.
• The Rural Organizing Project (ROP) helps “human dignity groups” across rural Oregon connect neighbors around practical needs. See more at rop.org.
• If you want a quick on-ramp, the Polarization Detox Challenge offers simple, daily practices to break the blame cycle and repair strained relationships. See more at buildersmovement.org/pdc.
Conversations won’t save us alone. We must build structures that lower the temperature. Any town or community can make the following moves:
• Create cross cutting teams. Organize projects that mix parents, farmworkers, veterans, librarians, and small business owners. Wildfire readiness. Trail maintenance. Food bank logistics. Youth mentorship. Do the work together and watch the temperature drop.
• Set meeting norms. School boards, councils, clubs. Ban harassment and dehumanizing language. Welcome strong, fact-based debate. Ask yourself, “Would I be proud to model this to my kids or my students?”
• Build a civic home. Support or start a local human dignity group so neighbors keep showing up even after the headlines move on.
• Make bridge spaces regular. Quarterly Braver Angels workshops at the library or grange keep skills fresh, especially during election seasons.
Also remember who we are. We are more than red and blue. In the Gorge, we are parents, teachers, nurses, first responders, police officers, builders, realtors, small business owners, caretakers, stay-at-home parents, orchardists, farmworkers, loggers, tech and service workers. We are outdoor people who love wind and water, trails and snow. Hunters and fishers. Artists and entrepreneurs. And if you don’t see yourself in this list, know that you belong here too. Every role, every background, every story matters. Those and many more identities actually get things done together.
My colleague, anthropologist Douglas Fry, who has studied peace societies all over the world, puts it well. We have to broaden the “us” to include the “them.” That is not a platitude. It is a strategy. Invite people in through the identities you share. Build habits that keep the bridges open.
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Patrick T. Hiller, Ph.D., calls Hood River home. He’s a husband, father, endurance athlete, neighbor, and longtime peace educator who believes in the power of community to bridge divides. As Executive Director of the War Prevention Initiative of the Jubitz Family Foundation, Hiller’s work focuses on advocating for nonviolent approaches to all forms of conflict.
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