Education Corner: Anticipating in store 'meltdowns'

It’s likely to happen at some point. Anticipating that it’s going to happen is parenting at its best. When heading to the store, before or while in the car, prepare them for buying the birthday gift. Let them know the task: “We are going to the store for a birthday gift. Remember, we are not getting anything for ourselves.”

Even with that expectation set, chances are high there is going to be something they want and ask for. You can give a quick reminder: We are here to get a gift for someone else and not something for ourselves. Also, remind them that we discussed this before we went shopping. Finally, you want to turn the child’s focus from themselves to the task in front of them, a gift for their friend. As hard as it is there might be some push back the first couple of times as they give you the “how serious are you” test.

If they continue to push you to get them something, you can consider giving them a choice. Options might be, “If you get that then you can’t go to the party. We can leave right now, and you won’t have a present for the party. Or, get a gift for your friend and put that on a list for your birthday. What do you think would make your friend most happy?” The objective is to put the decision back on them and they choose their consequence.

When you return to the car or home, review with them what happened in the store. Tell them how hard you know that must have been, but how proud you are of their decision, even if it was to get something for themselves. Sadly if that is the case, you’ll experience another learning moment when they cannot attend the party because of their choice. That’s okay. Again you remind them that it was their choice and of what happened at the store. You may even need to review what happened a couple of days later.

If they choose to get a gift, it is very important to reinforce their good decision and how hard it must have been, but they found a great gift for their friend. Each time you set your expectations before going into the store is easier. We have to remember that expectations and choices help the child feel in control of the shopping experience.

Happy shopping!

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Scott Smith has worked in education for 40 years. He obtained his Bachelor’s degree from Western Oregon University, Masters from Lesley University and Doctorate from Northcentral University in Arizona. He spent 27 years in elementary classrooms in Umatilla, finishing his experience there as their reading coach. He then became an assistant professor at Eastern Oregon University in the elementary pre-service teacher program.

Currently, he is an instructional coach for the InterMountain ESD, serving 18 rural school districts. His major area of focus is pre-reading skills and reading instruction along with classroom instructional support. Smith currently lives in Mosier with his wife.