How to overcome disappointment without losing confidence
Disappointment is part of life, especially for young guys figuring things out in relationships, friendships, work, and everyday life. Bouncing back often starts with the small things that help you reset and feel like yourself again, from the right mindset to a confidence-boosting scent that helps you step back out there. AXE, the deodorant brand for guys, asked Ben “Benny” Hart to share practical advice on moving forward with confidence.
A New York City-based multihyphenate entrepreneur, author, speaker and dating strategist known for his raw, humorous and no-nonsense take on both business and human connection, Hart has nearly one million followers across TikTok and Instagram. In this article, Hart explains how to move past rejection and disappointment.
Dating setbacks, missed opportunities, and rejection are unfortunate experiences we all have to face at some stage. What’s important is how you reframe that disappointment and rebuild confidence to get back in the game.
Why Disappointment Hits Harder Than We Expect
Whenever you’re faced with disappointment, it’s easy to think your identity is being challenged. That’s hard, especially if you’re not used to rejection. “My advice is to take this as an opportunity to self-reflect,” Hart says
It's okay to process what happened emotionally. Someone you liked didn't like you. It didn't work out. Okay. What are you going to do about it? You're bound to face rejection in one or many areas of your life. But there's a real difference between people who want to do better for themselves and people who wallow and let it slow them down.
There's an attitude that comes with people who are committed to winning in their own lives. “And by winning, I mean taking control,” Hart says. “Make sure that you have ownership over your life, your responses, and your direction. That's what separates the guys who grow from rejection from the ones who get stuck in it.”
When One Setback Starts To Define You
You might think, “What’s wrong with me? What did I do wrong? I should have said or done X, Y, Z.” When one or two of these things happen, they genuinely do challenge your identity, and that can build momentum in a negative direction.
Just as you can build momentum toward good habits and goals, this works the same way in reverse. Depending on the type of guy you are and how accustomed you are to setbacks in different areas of your life, this can create a real spiral. It won't just make you question whether you're good enough for that person; it'll make you question whether you're good enough as a person. And that's why collecting small wins matters so much.
“It's those small wins that keep you grounded and build your self-trust," Hart says.
Small wins could include:
- Reading a chapter every night
- Sticking to a workout plan
- Completing a task you’ve been putting off
- Learning a new skill
- Journaling for five minutes every day
You face heartbreak and rejection. But it's important to build your confidence back up, so that when you say "I'm fine" or "I'm good," you actually believe it.
How To Process Disappointment Without Spiraling
1. Separate the fact from the story
What you feel doesn't necessarily mean it's true. For example, your crush didn't answer you for five hours. The story you tell yourself is that she's not making you a priority. But the reality is simply that she was at work and unable to use her phone.
The story you attach to those five hours and the reality of those five hours are not the same. What you need to do is strip away the story and get back to the facts. Once you separate what actually happened from the meaning you've assigned to it, everything becomes a lot clearer.
2. Let the emotion hit
Regardless of who you are, it’s good to feel what you need to feel. Don’t suppress it. There's a difference between understanding emotion and expressing emotion.
3. Reality check
Let’s say you’re attracted to someone, and she rejects you. Ask yourself: “Does she know me well enough to make a proper judgment? Do I even know her? How many times have we actually interacted?”
When you separate the facts from the emotion, you can get a better perspective of the situation. And then when you know what happened and know what actually went wrong, you can take ownership. This might look like saying to yourself: “I didn’t communicate when I should have. I never actually asked her out. I never truly told her how I felt.”
Every guy should be able to take that kind of level of accountability and ownership.
4. Talk it out
It's important to have a tight-knit community you can run things by. Now, guys can be funny about this. There's a real hesitation around being seen as too vulnerable, or like you're disclosing too much. You know how guys talk about "pocket watching"? That competitive mindset where you think, "Why are you asking so many questions?" That same energy can show up emotionally. It has its healthy moments, but it can also hold guys back from actually opening up about what they're going through.
You need to talk to people, even just to get it off your chest. “I've had to go to my friends and tell them what I was going through and you know what? They were supportive,” Hart says. “They didn't pry for details. They just let me talk, and that was it.”
5. Get back in the game
This is the only way to rebuild. If you want to build better social skills, you have to practice social skills. You can’t sit in your room and talk to the mirror. If you want to overcome obstacles, you just gotta go do it.
“Find your people, and don't be afraid to lean on them," Hart says.
When To Take A Step Back
Taking a break is fine. Think of it as a reset where you have to recalibrate. Take the time to reflect, assess where you're at, and think about what you need to do differently.
This applies to dating, going for a new job, or building new skills. But be careful not to fall off for too long. If you take too long a break, those skills you've been working on start to go dormant, and you don't want that.
The most confident guys don't walk around saying, "I failed." Even when things don't work out, their mindset is more like "That wasn't right for me" or "It just wasn't aligned" or simply "It is what it is.” It's not about being down on yourself. It's about acknowledging that these things happen, dusting yourself off, and keeping it moving.
This story was produced by AXE and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
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