One of my favorite songs from the ‘60s was the little-known “No Regrets” written and recorded by Tom Rush. It’s about a broken relationship he had no regrets about even though it was painful.
Many feel a life well lived is one where there are no regrets about the decisions you’ve made or the words you’ve said or left unsaid.
But we all experience regret, don’t we?
Some regrets may be minor, such as missing a Smokey Robinson concert, to something as painful as not having visited a friend I had promised to see before she passed away.
In her New York Times article, “Regret Is Painful. Here’s How to Harness It,” Jancee Dunn shares insights from her conversation with Daniel Pink, author of “The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward.”
Daniel Pink found that regret, a negative emotion you feel when you wish you had done something differently, falls into four main themes: Failing to reach out to others; lapses in moral judgment; incremental choices that result in big consequences — like smoking or working too much; and holding back when we should have been bolder.
Those regrets can hurt but, as Pink points out, they are also a source of insight and growth. By thinking about our regrets, we “can clarify what we value most in life.” How can we make that happen? When dealing with regret, Pink suggests we look inward, outward, and forward.
When looking inward, realize when we make mistakes, we often treat ourselves more harshly than we would treat anybody else. Instead of punishing yourself, try to look inward and talk to yourself the way you would a loved one: Kind, generous, and forgiving.
When looking outward, Pink suggests confiding in someone you trust or forming a circle of friends where you can share your regrets. This can take away the hurt by realizing that everyone has regrets and you aren’t the only one.
Then look forward by asking yourself, what lessons can I draw from this regret? And how can I apply them to my life going forward? Start with determining if you can still do something about it such as by being less judgmental, spending more time with close friends, or speaking up about something you feel strongly about.
In those cases when you can’t go back and you’re burdened with regret about an action you did or did not take, reframe your regret by “at least-ing” it — switching your thinking from “if only” to “at least.”
For example, I can tell myself I may have missed seeing Smokey Robinson perform, but at least I can download his songs — and I saved the $150 for concert tickets!
There will always be times when we wish we could start over. But although regret can be painful, we can use it by looking inward, outward, and forward to appreciate what is important in our lives.
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Brain tease: These may be too easy, but I’ll let you find out.
1) A man shaves several times a day but still has a beard. Who is he?
2) What disappears as soon as you say its name?
3) What can you hold in your left hand, but never in your right?
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The band known for smashing guitars and writing the first rock opera Tommy was The Who.
I received correct answers from Marny Weting, Rebecca Abrams, Dave Lutgens, Rose Schulz, Steven Woolpert, Keith Clymer, Pat Evenson-Brady and Jess Birge, this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket. From the weeks before, I missed Jean Harmon, Steven Woolpert and Rose Schulz.
I mentioned Smokey Robinson, an early songwriter and singer for Motown Records who is still recording and performing at the age of 83! But before he went solo, he sang with a group of teenage friends who recorded many top hits including “The Tears of a Clown.”
For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of this group? Email your answer to www.mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-296-4788, or drop it off with a picture of Hitsville U.S.A.
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Well, it’s been another week, and glad to be back in the Gorge. Until we meet again, too often I find out I don’t know what I always thought I knew.
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“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
— Winnie-the-Pooh
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Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.
Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) — Mondays and Wednesdays
Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060)
Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191)
The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333)
For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services — Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); and Skamania County Senior Services (509-427-3990).
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Answers: 1.) A barber; 2.) Silence; 3.) Your right hand.
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