WELL SAID: “Don’t give up! Be okay with discomfort. Push yourself.” — Pete Lawson’s “grit words” of the week back in October at the School District’s Community Works Program, aka The Fire House (profiled in the Dec. 11 Kaleidoscope).
WELL DONE 1: Publisher Chelsea Marr reports purchasing a gift at one downtown store, Hood River Hobbies, her Rotary Christmas present for the club’s annual Santa visit with local schoolkids on Thursday. It needed to be wrapped, so Chelsea takes it two blocks away to Hood River Stationers, seeking wrapping supplies. Running late to get it to Rotary for staging, she asks employee John Cody if she could pay him to wrap it. "No problem," John says, and he takes it into the back room, after offering to remove the price tags. A few minutes later, he emerges with a well-wrapped gift. "What do I owe you?" Chelsea asks.
“Nothing, no charge, Merry Christmas,” says John.
WELL DONE 2: Chris Osterman of Battle Ground was visiting Hood River on Sunday with two friends, and they dined at Bette’s Place. When they went to pay their bill, which would have been about $45, they were told someone had taken care of it. Always a happy thing, these anonymous pay-it-forward surprises — but there is more to this story.
The place was packed, and every table in the place was covered by some “secret Santa,” Osterman said.
“I was in shock. This was beyond awesome as a Christmas present,” she said.
NOT A TOY: Someone is missing their “Welcome Guide” to Supersafe Jump Starter Power Bank, found in the middle of the Rosauers parking lot. Despite the product name, the instructions are full of “Do Nots,” and include a boxed-in advisory: “Please keep in a safe place, for you may need in future.”
Let me know if you’re missing the manual.
(Instructions come in Japanese and German. “Lesen Sie die Bedienungsanleitung aufmerksam durch, bevor Sie das Gerat benutzen,” it says, or, in English, “Read the instruction manual carefully before using this unit.” Also: “Bitte benutzen Sie es nicht als Spielzug.” Do Not Use As A Toy.)
SEEN AND HEARD: Car stops mid-block for two people on Oak; crossing the street, one says to the other, “Isn’t that special, since we’re jaywalking?” … t-shirt reading, “Ski Drink Sleep” …
CANDLES, not CANDIES: Season’s most confusing stocking stuffer: Sold at Rosauers, “Break-Apart Herbal Melts.” These delicious-looking squares are sold next to the deli, so one might think, “Perfect for the foodie on my list!” The melts come in flavors such as “Heavenly Red Velvet Cake” and “Peppermint Gelato”, and they truly look good enough to eat.
But don’t. They’re candles, “100 percent natural wax,” as the label says. And the back of the package reads, “Not for internal consumption.”
THIS REALLY HAPPENED: An employee of a Heights business runs across 12th Street, picks up his radio-controlled Hummer-replica toy, sets it upright on the sidewalk and runs back across the street, then takes his seat inside the window overlooking the intersection. He picks up the control box and resumes driving the RC toy on a rocky planting area, at another business, catercorner across busy 12th Street.
MIKE’S LIKES: Every year, the team of scoopers at Mike’s Ice Cream keep up a tradition — a sort of Tips Wish List: Colorful, hand-drawn lists decorated with sketches of trees, lighting bolts, hearts, flamingos, peace signs, flowers and more.
The Tips are general and divided into categories. Here are just a few examples of what these high-achieving, humor-endowed teens had in mind this year:
“Pets We’ll Buy with our Tips”: Koala bear, zebra, flying squirrel, parrot, toucan, panda bear …
Hannah asks “to get a pet ferret,” a “ferret sanctuary,” and later requests “a circus ferret,” “a patriotic ferret” and “ferret food.”
“Where We’ll Go with our Tips”: Waikiki, an avocado grove, the large Hadron Collider, the pool, roadway, White Salmon and Whoville …
“General Tip ideas”: A pink moped, a strong immune system, beaver food, a megaphone, a swimsuit, chocolate, a human-sized pencil …
And “Tips,” also include recommendations, as in ice cream flavors: Summer Peach, from Ayva; Mint Oreo, Barrett; Fresh Banana, Eva; K Chip, Charlie; Lemon Yogurt, Kelsey; Peppermint, Sarah; Chocolate Lover’s, Skyler; Salted Caramel, Zeb.
Look for more Tips in a future Porch; but for now, we’ll conclude with some of the more imaginative and enigmatic ones: “To fight a dummy;” “2,000 guitar picks;” “to be in line for the throne;” to surf a tidal wave;” and “an unexpected visit.”
— Kirby Neumann-Rea
Take a seat on The Porch; feedback is welcome, along with contributions of those offbeat and under-noticed elements of life around here. You’ll know them when you see them: kneumannrea@hoodrivernews.com.
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