We all want our children to possess qualities like sensitivity, strong will, intelligence and vitality, but teaching them to our children can be difficult. It would be great if they came with a pre-programmed set of instructions, but they don’t. Children are like blank pages, waiting for us to guide them and teach them the world’s ways.
Often, we have certain expectations for our children, but we tend to forget that they have no idea what those expectations are, what they look like or why they are important. Therefore, children often have their own ideas, which may create stress and possibly upset everyone in certain situations. Providing clear guidance and expectations is crucial to ensure everyone’s experience is enjoyable. This way, you can avoid unwanted behavior from them at inappropriate times.
In today’s fast-paced world, we are all busy, but it’s essential to take some time to write down or at least think about what you expect from your child’s behavior. Do all the people in your circle, especially your child, know those expectations? Communication with your child and other key people is critical to ensure everyone is on the same page.
When getting ready for an event, let them know what might be happening and what is expected of them. If you’re going to dinner, problems and different expectations occur depending on where you go. Between McDonalds and Olive Garden, you most likely have different expectations. If you go to a nice place and haven’t let them know they are expected to be on their best behavior, the situation falls back on us as adults. Disciplining for a situation has little to no transfer to the next situation. Remind them what you expect their behavior to be, and yes, you may have to remind them while you are there. In the end, it is a learning process for them.
You may expect your child to make friends, do their best and have motivation, but what does that look like for your family? We cannot assume that it’s the same for everyone. If we assume and things get rough, all will be frustrated. Knowing and communicating your expectations prior is the key to avoiding confrontations. Waiting until you’re in a situation has less chance of them being able to apply the behavior in a similar situation later. Punishment during these types of situations most often leads to no winners and only frustration.
Take those few minutes in the car or before leaving to express what will happen and what behavior is expected. You’ll have a better chance of all having a great experience.
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Scott Smith, Doctor of Education, has been in education for the past 43 years. He obtained his Bachelor’s degree from Western Oregon University, his Masters from Lesley University, and his Doctorate from Northcentral University. His major focus areas are pre-reading skills, reading instruction, and classroom instructional support. He authored “Discovering Effective Reading Instruction.” Smith currently lives with his wife in Mosier and serves on the Board of Decoding Dyslexia of Oregon.
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