I thought I would take the day off and instead transport you back in time to the heyday of Hollywood Squares from 1966-1981 with these “zingers” from the show, which at that time were often considered a little off-color:
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads underwater long enough they will.
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married? A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great-Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Now back to the regular programming.
•••
Brain Tease: It’s time to move on from last week’s Logic Puzzle to another lateral thinking puzzle and, as always, you need to think beyond the obvious.
Why are 2017 UK pound coins worth more than 2015 UK pound coins?
•••
The British comedy troupe formed in 1969, who were known for their sketch comedy television series from 1969–1974 and the movies “Life of Brian” and “The Meaning of Life,” was Monty Python.
I received correct answers from Stephen Woolpert, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Lana Tepfer, Dave Lutgens, Doug Nelson, Bruce Johnson, Donna Mollet, and Julie Carter, this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket, who found that the name Monty Python was chosen because it sounded like a really bad theatrical agent! And last week I missed Ruth Radcliffe.
•••
This American actor was also an art historian, art collector, and gourmet cook. He appeared on stage, television, and radio, and in more than 100 films. For this week’s “Remember When” question, who was this actor, most associated with the horror films based on the works of Edgar Allan Poe?
E-mail your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, call 541-296-4788, or send it with a tape of Michael Jackson’s song “Thriller."
•••
Well, it’s been another week, and another step on the stairway of life. Until we meet again, I’ll leave you with this Red Skelton quote: “If I wake up and not surrounded by roses, I’m doing fine”.
•••
“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” — Ann Landers
•••
Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.
Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) — Mondays and Wednesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333).
For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services — Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068); Skamania County Senior Services (509-427-3990).
•••
Answer: 2,017 UK pound coins because there are 2 more of them. (What a difference a comma makes!)
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