There aren’t many losses in life that compare to grief after suicide. It’s intense, unique, and devastating. Many people can’t understand this type of grief unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Suicide grief is complicated and can be more isolating than other forms of grief. Your pain might feel so deep that it seems like you’ll never find a way through. The truth is, there’s no “right” way to experience suicide grieving, but there are ways to care for yourself as you start to heal.
If you or someone you love is trying to navigate grief after a suicide, Talkspace offers healthy coping tools to help you get through this time.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Everything
One of the most important things about healing from a loss like this is that you accept it’s OK for you to feel whatever you’re feeling. Feelings aren’t forever, and there’s no formula for how to walk through suicide grief. It’s vital that you give yourself permission to feel anything and everything you are.
The range of emotions that can follow such a loss can be wildly unpredictable. Research shows that losing someone to suicide can cause shame, blame, and feelings of judgment. You might be angry one minute and ashamed or embarrassed the next. You may wake up feeling guilty about what you did—or didn’t—say or do, and go to bed confused because you have a sense of relief. Whatever you feel during this time, know that your feelings are valid and important.
“When someone loses a person to suicide, they may feel a range of emotions such as anger, guilt, relief (especially if they believe the person was suffering), or confusion because nothing seems to make sense,” says Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin LMHC, LPC. “It’s important to let them know that these emotions are normal and do not mean they are a bad person. Grief is not simple, and there is no one right way to feel. When a person expresses their emotions, it reveals what’s going on inside them—and that’s a key part of healing.”
Let Go of the “Why” (When You’re Ready)
There’s no timeline for grief. Learning how to cope with a suicide loss is a process, and a big part of it involves being able to let go of the why.
Trying to understand someone’s decision to end their life can be agonizing. You can’t predict or rush when or how it’ll happen. One day, though, you will be able to free yourself from the burden of needing to understand. You may never fully understand their decision, but coming to terms with this is a powerful part of your healing after a loved one dies by suicide.
“As a counselor, I often encourage clients to begin by naming the uncertainty they're sitting with,” Erwin says. “ Acknowledging ‘I don’t have all the answers’ can ease the pressure to resolve the unresolvable. I help them practice self-compassion and focus on what they can control, like daily structure or meaningful routines, while gently normalizing that some questions, especially in grief may remain unanswered. Together, we explore ways to stay grounded in the present moment, create meaning in small ways, and lean into safe relationships for support and healing.”
Talk About Your Loved One and Your Grief
The American Psychological Association (APA) discusses the importance of talking about your loved one's death. Openly sharing memories and emotions helps you process the reality of death, rather than avoiding it. Avoidance may feel protective in the moment, but it can intensify loneliness, strain your connection with others, and slow down the grieving process. By naming your grief and speaking about your loved one, you make space for support, meaning, and emotional release.
Create a Ritual or Tribute That Honors Their Life
It feels good to honor a loved one. Find comfort in celebrating the good things you remember about them. Do things to celebrate the connection you had with them and their impact on others. It can be as simple as getting together for an annual gathering with family, lighting a candle for them on future birthdays, planting a tree in their memory, or even writing them a letter every so often.
Rituals help you feel connected, even after a loss. It reminds you how special they were and that they’re still in your heart. There’s no right or wrong way to have a tribute to honor someone’s life. All that matters is whatever you plan feels meaningful to you.
If you’re overwhelmed at the idea of planning a tribute, think about things they loved, that made them happy, or that you enjoyed doing together. Small acts of remembrance can help you feel close to them, even years after their passing.
Make Space for Self-Care
Self-care is a critical part of learning how to cope with the suicide of a loved one. Being aware of your own needs and taking steps to care for yourself ensures you have the strength to heal.
Remembering to do the little things—like eating, sleeping, and sometimes, just getting out of bed—can be incredibly difficult as you recover from the death of a loved one. If you’re struggling with your basic self-care routine or daily functioning, be kind to yourself.
Grief is complex, messy, and challenging. In the moments when you feel like you can’t manage, focus on the basics: rest, nourishment, and gentle movement. If all you have the strength for is showering one day, you’re doing enough. If it’s all you can manage to make a bowl of cereal, that’s enough, too.
Simple ways to practice self-care when you’re grieving include:
- Going for a walk
- Taking a bath or shower
- Going to bed
- Making a simple meal, like toast or soup
- Asking for help from a friend or family member
- Meditating
- Doing yoga
- Joining a grief support group
Find Support from People Who Understand Suicide Loss
Few things are more powerful than connecting with someone who understands suicide grief. It can be someone who’s also lost a family member or loved one to suicide, a support group, or anyone who understands where you are emotionally and physically. Finding a safe space to share what you’re feeling and listen to others will help you feel understood and less alone as you learn how to manage grief.
According to research, participants of peer support groups for suicide bereavement report reduced grief and significant improvement in overall well-being.
Work with a Therapist or Grief Counselor
Surviving a suicide loss can be incredibly difficult to do alone. Working with a therapist or grief counselor ensures you have the tools you need to heal. A professional who’s trained in suicide bereavement can help you process the complex emotions and feelings you’re likely experiencing. They can help you navigate your trauma and teach you healthy coping skills that support your recovery process.
If it feels like your grief is all-consuming or too much to handle on your own, it’s OK. You’re not alone. Reaching out for help is empowering—it’s a sign of strength, not something to feel weak about. Through tailored grief therapy techniques, a grief therapist will help you make sense of your feelings and honor the memory of your loved one. They can help you find a path forward, even if it feels impossible right now.
“With suicide loss survivors, I often use a combination of grief-focused therapy and trauma-informed care to help them process complex emotions like guilt, anger, and confusion,” Erwin says. “Techniques like narrative therapy allow clients to share their story and find meaning, while grounding exercises help manage overwhelming feelings. I also emphasize creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where all emotions are valid and healing can unfold at the client’s pace.“
Accept That Healing Takes Time
Grief is a journey you can’t rush. Surviving a suicide loss is not a linear process. You can feel completely “normal” one day, like you’re making progress and healing, only to feel like you can’t function the next. Your pain will be daunting and all-encompassing at times, and that’s completely normal. Be patient with yourself and accept that the only thing you can rely on is the fact that healing takes time. You might still have difficult days, even months or years later.
It’s worth noting that, sometimes, dealing with loss evolves into what’s known as complicated grief. Also called persistent complex bereavement disorder, complicated grief describes painful feelings and emotions that last more than a year after a loss. If you’re carrying pain from suicide grief, and it’s been over a year, and you just can’t see a way out, it might be time to seek professional help. Healing from complicated grief can happen, but you might need to seek counseling or therapy to get there.
Take Breaks from Grief When You Need To
It sounds strange, but you might need to take a break from your grief. Of course, this doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or pretending that you’re over the loss, but it’s OK to give yourself permission to step away for a little while. Finding small moments of peace will help you heal and recover. You can watch a movie, go to lunch or coffee with a friend, or do a hobby you enjoy. Over time, doing things outside of your grief will become easier.
Taking a break from your heartache doesn’t mean you’re forgetting about the loss. It also doesn’t mean you’re moving on too soon. It just means you’re allowing yourself the space and time you need to heal. At first, you might feel guilty for enjoying yourself or laughing, but moments like these are part of healing, and they’re essential for your well-being.
You’re Not Alone—Support Is Always Available
Grieving after suicide can be a lonely, isolating experience, but support and help are available. Healing is an ongoing process, so it’s all right if you’re struggling right now. The most important thing to remember is to ask for help, whether it’s from a friend, a grief counselor, a support group, or a trained mental health professional.
This story was produced by Talkspace and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.
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