Commentary: An open letter to parents with children playing competitive sports

They didn’t play school sports until two years ago, coming out of COVID. The improvements are palpable. We are working hard to teach them the games and sportsmanship. But I’ve seen a disturbing trend both locally and on the national level that needs to be addressed, both in schools and in the communities. And it needs to be said.

Many times, for grade school children, fourth through eighth grades, volunteers support these games. Parents, family members and friends, and even high school students as well. And not just during the games, but hours and hours of work goes into organizing and managing these sports by people who don’t do it for recognition but to make sure the opportunities are there for the children. Some get paid a small stipend, some don’t. In fact, I would venture to guess that less than 10% do. Without these people, these sports would not be arranged, organized or executed. And without sports, our kids get into trouble.

I’m really talking about referees, umpires, scorekeepers, timekeepers, concession stand support, ticket support and people in some level of ‘implied’ authority, etc. It takes a village. No. It takes a community.

As parents, family members and friends, YOU are part of that community, whether you are at your own school or whether you are with the visitor team.

It’s unacceptable for parents, friends or families (or coaches for that matter) to scream at referees or umpires for calls they make. Unacceptable to yell at student athletes no matter who they are. Absolutely unacceptable to use foul language or name calling under any circumstances at a school or community game.

OUR children watch this behavior. OUR children think it’s OK to act this way if mom or dad do it. This is how we get to professional sports and we curse at the NFL referees in the stands, from 2000 feet away. Or from a television. There is no way we can see what happens on the field. That’s why referees and umpires are there. Because we are NOT. Perhaps they get the call wrong. I’ve seen it many times in college and professional sports. I’ve been upset about it sometimes too. But so be it. It’s their call.

But I’m talking about grade school sports. When adults volunteers support the kids on the courts or fields, yelling at them and cursing at them is bullying. Adult bullying. If you don’t like the way they call the game, then I would ask you to volunteer and do it yourself. When the referees or umpires are children themselves, some slightly older than the players while others are in high school, they are still children under the age of 18. Yelling at them or cursing at them is akin to verbal child abuse.

Also, when a team is angry at calls during a game and they walk off the court or the field and don’t shake hands with the other team or the refs, again, it’s unacceptable. Our children watch this behavior. And it’s plain and simple BAD SPORTSMANSHIP. Coaches, that’s your responsibility. Shame on you if you have your team do that.

I’ll stop here.

So please … ask yourself: Who do you want your child to grow up to be? How do you want them to act?

Look in the mirror today and see if that behavior is what you want to see in them when they get older, as adults or when they become parents themselves.

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Tracy Barkhimer is the parent of a high school freshman and two sixth graders, and lives in White Salmon.