Making Room: House rules keep it amicable

Living amicably in a house with two or three unrelated adults is more like being drivers on the highway: If all follow the rules and stay in their lanes, there aren’t many accidents. It’s up to you, as homeowner, to develop the rules, maintain them and — most importantly — model their practicality by following them yourself.

Of course, in your initial phone call with prospective lodgers, and again during the lease-signing, you outline your house rules. Just a handful of spoken, common sense house rules inspire adherence rather than invite resistance. You are not running a college dorm or a scout camp; you are overseeing a house where adults need to live peacefully. Since my rules have served the test of time, I’m sharing them with you.

Rule 1: Shut and lock all doors

It is crucial housemates abide by this rule, even in a neighborhood where disarming friendliness leads people to forget it. The first step in personal safety is to remove opportunity for crime, as any law enforcement officer will tell you. In my experience, workers are stressed, come home exhausted, and so sometimes unwittingly forget to shut or lock the door.

That is why I always check that the house is secure before I turn in. It was only after he had already been living there a few years that I learned a convicted sex offender was living just down the street. My town has an extremely low crime rate, but lately daytime home burglaries and thefts from autos have become common. These thefts follow a national trend. I have had two cars stolen while living elsewhere, and so know firsthand how devastating that type of theft can be. I pass along these anecdotes to new housemates to drive home the need to keep all doors locked, even when we are home.

I had a locksmith put keyed-entry knobs on all the bedroom doors a few years ago the night I suddenly realized I had inadvertently rented a room to a scary person (my own fault from rushing the vetting process and a story for a future column). She was only here a few weeks. However, all housemates who have arrived since then tell me they like that feature, so I keep locks on the doors. It sets their minds at ease knowing their things are kept private and safe. It eases my mind for the same reason.

Rule 2: No overnight guests

The other image you need to throw out is that of the happy-go-lucky pad where a few college buddies are bunking together, where some new dates end with impromptu overnight stays, and unannounced couch-surfing dudes or dude-ettes just add to the fun of it all. When you rent rooms to lodgers, you are creating a sanctuary that perforce delivers no surprises. You are renting rooms to adults who are usually already beat from long shifts at work.

Take my house, for example. In the course of an evening, my two upstairs lodgers might socialize briefly in my living room or kitchen before heading to their rooms to sleep. The downstairs lodger might poke her head in to say hello. Usually, someone will be in the kitchen cooking while another is doing her laundry. The atmosphere is friendly, and someone might be enjoying a glass of wine, but they have things to finish before they turn in. Rule 2 will help you maintain that restful, secure, no-surprises environment.

When Frank Sinatra sings “Strangers in the Night,” he is describing romance, not the bejesus-ejecting, 2 a.m. encounter between your ratty-bathrobe-clad housemate and another housemate’s date, both of whom simultaneously wandered into the kitchen for a glass of juice. That is what happened here, before I made Rule 2.

Rule 3: No cooking or laundry before 8:30 a.m. and after 8:30 p.m.

Commotion in the kitchen and laundry disturb those who have already turned in for the night, or those still working remotely. At my house, each housemate chooses a full day and evening for laundry, plus the use of the two unassigned days any can use on a first-come-first-served basis. I choose a time that works around their schedules. That is more than enough hours per week for any of us to do our laundry.

Likewise, you don’t want to have housemates in the kitchen rattling pans, chopping veggies, splashing water, cracking ice-cube trays, and clattering dishes at all hours. Making a cup of coffee, tea, or a piece of toast won’t disturb anyone, though. Anyone can do that at any time, especially since we have Rule 2 in place.

Rule 4: One person at a time in the kitchen, and leave a blank slate

In my narrow galley kitchen, the knife drawer is an arm’s length away from the cutting boards directly across from it. Since I don’t want any accidental stabbings, Rule 4 ensures the one housemate cooking in the kitchen is safely on task. Also, since cupboard space is distributed among the housemates for their groceries, there is no room for the dozens of dishes we would need if we used the dishwasher. Instead, the dishwasher is used to store big pots and bowls. We only have a few dishes, and they need to be ready for the next housemate. Thus, the blank-slate rule serves us well: Leave the kitchen organized and spotless for the next person. Anyone who has ever cooked in an RV, a food truck, or a ship’s galley knows that even a grand meal is possible, provided the equipment is ready and all inside follow the requisite choreography.

Next week: House rules 5-7.

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The information provided in this column does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice. The information herein and links to other websites are to provide readers with general information. Please contact your attorney for legal advice with respect to any particular issue. Views expressed herein are those of the writer, not those of the publication.