On Saturday, April 11, the SNL‘s cold open once again featured James Austin Johnson playing the POTUS. It opened with Trump dictating his Easter morning Truth Social post to press secretary, Karoline Leavitt (Ashley Padilla). To the Iranians, he told her to write, “Open the f—in’ strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell.”
Leavitt then clarified, “You think I should type ‘Praise be to Allah.’ And that’s from you, the president of the United States?”
“Yes. Yes, Allah. They say Allah. It’s a sarcastic attack on the world’s largest religion,” Johnson’s Trump explained. “They famously have a great sense of humor about that kind of stuff.”
After Leavitt pointed out that the message puts her in a “tough position,” Trump replied, “Oh, don’t worry about that, Karoline. Like I said to Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem right before I fired them, ‘You’re doing a terrific job.’” Johnson’s Trump then broke the fourth wall, adding, “All three of those were played by Ashley. It’s an interesting detail.”
Next, the president called Tiger Woods (Kenan Thompson) at a rehab center in Switzerland to ask if he was playing in the Masters this weekend. “I don’t know, sir, if you remember, but I flipped my car and got a DUI,” the pro golfer pointed out.
“You should have told the cops we were friends, and they would have let you off,” Trump said. To that, Woods revealed, “Well, I did. And they didn’t.”
The second person on Trump’s list to call was his wife, Melania (Chloe Fineman). “Listen, I decided I should do a big, random speech, completely out of nowhere, and say I am not an Epstein victim. Is that good?” the first lady asked. (In real life, Melania delivered the speech on April 9.)
“Darling, I got to admit, this sounds a little insane. Who are you? Me?” Trump responded.
Additionally, Melania floated two other ideas by her husband, sharing, “I thought I could also say, I, Melania Trump, in no way helped out the Gilgo Beach serial killer.” The POTUS replied, “Darling, I think that’s gonna make everyone way more suspicious.”
“What if I announce I barely partied with Diddy? Would that help?” Melania added.
Finally, Trump had one more phone call to make. “Let’s see. Anything else I am forgetting?” he said to himself. “There’s got to be something … All right, the war.”
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost) offered an update on the war in Iran, telling the president, “Rest assured, sir. Iran is as obliterated as me every Saturday night, allegedly.” He added, “You also probably heard that I want to start a draft again, which is a great sign for the ceasefire.”
After Hegseth asked about war negotiations, Trump addressed Vice President JD Vance traveling to Pakistan for peace talks.
“Don’t worry about the negotiations. I just heard they’re going really, really bad,” the POTUS said. “I sent in my secret weapon, JD Vance. After those Iranians spent 20 hours talking to JD, they said, ‘Please ,sir, just go back to bombing us.'”
“Very good, sir,” Hegseth replied. “Even hearing about someone getting bombed just made me hard as hell.”
“That’s great, that’s great. I’m bricked as well,” Trump shared.
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