When my son, Andrew, passed 40, we accepted the fact that he would not have any children. They were happy and focused on their careers — and having children is expensive!
Then SURPRISE! Andrew and his wife, Ariana, had their first child in November! I’m looking forward to being a proud grandparent because I’ve heard grandparents have so much fun with their grandchildren that they wish they’d had them first.
My wife and I have a strong relationship with Andrew and Ariana, but how do I avoid the tension that often arises between the grandparents and parents over parenting decisions? Do you comfort the child if they’re crying during the night, what about strict bedtimes, and these days, how much screen time on mobile devices?
Recently, I read a Nov. 17 guest column in the Washington Post by Perri Klass: “5 Common Mistakes Grandparents Make, according to a Pediatrician.”
Since many of you are grandparents, great-grandparents, or even great-great-grandparents, do these tips make sense? And if you have any other tips, email me at smckay1948@gmail.com. I can use the advice!
1. Failing to accept that parenting patterns change with time.
We raised our children differently from how I was raised. And I expect they will do the same.
2. Blaming your child’s partner.
Raising children is difficult. You don’t want to add any additional stress when there may already be tension between the parents in raising the child.
3. Assuming it’s the parents’ fault when a grandchild is struggling.
It is rare that there is only one reason for a child’s struggles. Be part of that child’s and the parents’ support system; ask them how you can help and be there and listen when they want to talk.
4. Making it a fight instead of a discussion.
Butting heads is rarely productive unless you want a headache. Listen and look for solutions. When differences arise, clear communication is vital.
5. Weighing in too often, especially when you weren’t asked to.
Sharing my parental “wisdom” may not be appreciated or appropriate. Know when to offer advice and when to hold your tongue. We learned, and they will too.
And one last thing: Never, ever ask, “When are you going to have another child?”
Being a grandparent will be another learning experience for me. The best I can do is to enjoy the time with my grandchild, recognize and respect the parenting choices Andrew and Ariana make, and keep my mouth shut. And then I can savor one of life’s great joys: Watching Andrew become a parent.
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Brain Tease. For those of you who are mathematical wizards — and for those of you who aren’t, “How can you make seven even?”
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Last week I forgot to mention the raffle ticket winners. They were Donna Mollet, Bruce Johnson, and Rebecca Abrams.
The name of the young female hospital volunteers who wore the iconic red-and-white striped pinafores was Candy Stripers. I received correct answers from Stephen Woolpert, Nancy Higgins, Jay Waterbury, Bruce Johnson, Rhonda Spies, Judy Kiser, Marny Weting, Julie Hoffman, Dave Lutgens, Maria Kollas, Craig Terry, Kathy Smith, Becky Podvent, Susan Ronning, Lana Tepfer, Doug Nelson, Rose Shulz, Marlene Clymer, Pat Evenson-Brady, Shelley Hinatsu, Kim Birge, Tina Castanares, and Patti Munk — this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.
And while watching Andy Devine and his gang last week, I missed Tina Castanares and Bruce Johnson.
Speaking of different parenting styles, for this week’s “Remember When” question, who was the pediatrician who wrote “The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care,” one of the best-selling books of the 20th century, selling 500,000 copies in the first six months? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-980-4645, or send it with a 1957 hardback edition, which you can purchase online for only $137.95!
Well, it’s been another week, trying to take my own advice: rest, reflect, and refocus. Until we meet again, because you have wings doesn’t mean you always have to fly.
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“When your opponent’s sittin’ there holdin’ all the aces, there’s only one thing to do: Kick over the table.”
— Dean Martin
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I ran out of space last week, so here is the contact information for your local meal sites, where there is good food and friendly company:
Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.
Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) — Wednesdays with music on second and fourth Wednesdays; Mt. Hood Town Hall (541-308-5997) — Tuesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333).
For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services: Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068), and in Skamania County call Senior Services (509-427-3990).
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