To the editor: Donald was “selected” by the Divine Being who reveals His name in the Hebrew scriptures to be the president. This is why you are still in shock and blame the Russians for this uncomfortable miracle.

To the editor: Your Butt Patrol is on duty. Is it my imagination or are there fewer butts? Thank you to the Butt Pickers of America.

To the editor: So many end-time events are taking place today, even the nonbelievers realize catastrophe is just around the corner.

To the editor: In regard to recent letters to the editor concerning Christian beliefs and Christmas: Last night we celebrated the birth of two of our daughters. It was not the date of their birth – it was close, but not the exact date. We celebrated last night because that was convenient for everyone and we wanted to honor the two ladies.