Gathering with family and friends during the holidays is a wonderful time, but it can also be challenging — even more so when someone in the family is living with dementia. The Dementia-Friendly Holidays: Gatherings for All of Us Toolkit (dfamerica.org/holiday-toolkit) offers suggestions on ways to adapt the gathering so it is a joyful event for everyone.
This toolkit was developed by Dementia Friendly America, which fosters community support for people living with dementia and their care partners so they can safely remain in and engage with their community.
There is too much to cover in the Toolkit: reducing isolation, adapting traditions, and adjusting the environment. But I do want to share the tips for communicating with people living with dementia, because even though you may not interact with someone living with dementia now, you probably will in the future.
• Treat the person with dignity and respect. Avoid talking past the person as if they aren’t there. One of the core beliefs of DFA is “Dementia does not take away a person’s dignity. It is how we treat the person that can take their dignity away.”
• Be aware of your own feelings. Your tone of voice may communicate your attitude. Use positive, friendly facial expressions.
• Be patient and supportive. Show that you care about what he or she is saying and be careful not to interrupt. It may take the person up to 20 seconds to get out their response — which can feel like eternity!
• Offer comfort and reassurance. If they become frustrated or insecure, reassure them that it’s okay and encourage the person to continue.
• Avoid criticizing or correcting. Instead, listen and try to find the meaning in what is being said.
• Avoid arguing. If the person says something you don’t agree with, let it be.
• Provide a statement rather than ask a question. “The bathroom is right here,” instead of asking, “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
• Avoid confusing and vague statements about something you want the person to do. Instead, speak directly: “Please come here. Your dinner is ready.”
• Name an object or place. Rather than “Here it is,” say “Here is your coat.”
• Turn negatives into positives. Instead of “Don’t go there,” say, “Let’s go here.”
• Avoid quizzing. Reminiscing may be healthy, but avoid asking, “Do you remember when?”
• Unexpected behaviors are often a form of communication.
Finally, focus on creative conversations. The nonprofit organization Timeslips (www.timeslips.org) offers ideas that use creative storytelling and imagination to help people with dementia to connect and communicate. (And could liven up the usual conversations at your next holiday gathering; you may learn something unexpected!)
There’s more to a person than their dementia (or any diagnosis). Although they may have lost certain abilities and ways to communicate, they still can feel emotions, connect, and experience joy.
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Brain Tease: Try to read these two sentences with more than just the vowels removed.
1. “L_f_is l_ke r_ding a b_cycl_. To k_ep your b_lance, you m_st k_ep m_ving.”
The broadcast journalist who served as anchorman for the CBS Evening News from 1962 -1981 and was often cited as “the most trusted man in America” was Walter Cronkite. I received correct answers from Doug Nelson, Stephen Woolpert, Bruce Johnson, Jay Waterbury, Mike McFarlane, Judy Kiser, Donna Mollet, Dave Lutgens, Lana Tepfer, Craig Terry, Julie Hoffman, Rhonda Spies, Debbie Medina, Tina Castanares, Pat Evenson-Brady, Patty Jo McCarthy, Keith Clymer, Rebecca Abrams, Jerry Tanquist, Nancy Higgins, and Kathy White, who is this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.
And last week, while looking for Maxwell Smart’s shoe phone under my bed, I missed Rhonda Spies, Trisha Walker, Mike Nagle, Kathy White, Rebecca Abrams, Rhonda Spies, and Patty Jo McCarthy.
Jerry Lee Lewis recorded 957 popular songs, including this best-selling 1957 hit — which was the first 45 record I bought when I was in the fifth grade!
For this week’s “Remember When” question, what was the name of the song that included the lyrics (and you can sing along):
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain/
Too much love drives a man insane/
You broke my will, but what a thrill/
Goodness gracious, _____ ____ __ ____!
Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-980-4645, or send it with a picture of his custom-built Baldwin grand piano.
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Well, it’s been another week, watching the closed captions fly by. Until we meet again, don’t let the bumps in the road slow you down.
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“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is to let go.”
— Hermann Hesse
Answers:
1. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
2. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
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