I’ve found there have been several stages in my life: youth, when I had no idea what I was doing; marriage, when I had no idea what I was doing; several careers, when I had no idea what I was doing; and raising a family, when — well, you get the picture.
During those life stages, I should have known what I was doing, but looking back, I didn’t have a clue. Actually, there were many clues; I just wasn’t paying much attention! And surprisingly, everything turned out okay: fantastic marriage, although it took two tries, meaningful careers, and wonderful children.
But there is one more stage that most of us look forward to: retirement, when you or your partner, and then eventually both of you, are no longer working, accompanied by feelings of both relief and excitement, as well as anxiety and perhaps a little sadness. Retirement can be the icing on the cake, but what we may not expect is that retirement can put quite a strain on a marriage.
On the Psychology Today website, Katherine King posted “Happy Together: Six Tips for Marriage After Retirement,” where she offers the following suggestions to avoid some of the stresses in a marriage after retirement.
1. Be patient with each other.
Retirement can be a complicated transition. Both of you had your routines, and you knew what to expect; now they have been disrupted. With more time together, you need to establish new routines and habits as you learn and adapt in this new relationship with your partner.
2. Notice changes in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Be aware of any changes in your relationship and identify ways to cope, such as walks, volunteering, or how about a romantic dinner? And listen attentively; don’t interrupt each other. And what I still haven’t learned — only provide advice or feedback when your partner asks!
3. Don’t make any major decisions.
Since retirement can be emotionally challenging, you may be asking yourself, How will I adjust to the reduction in income? Or worse, Can the marriage survive? Avoid doing anything hasty and make any changes gradually. Give yourselves some time to adjust to retirement.
4. Don’t expect your partner to entertain you.
Your partner has had their own daily routines without you. Spend time getting to know how your partner likes to spend their time, and look within yourself to discover the activities you most enjoy.
Which leads to:
5. Rediscover yourself and your own interests.
What have you always wanted to try? What new skill do you want to master? What do you enjoy? What gives you purpose?
6. Be curious and supportive of each other.
After all your years together, you might find there is still much you don’t know about each other. Remember, before retirement you spent much of your waking hours apart. Give each other some breathing room.
In retirement, be patient, curious, and supportive, so those years become a time to strengthen your marriage by growing closer together and making the most of the remaining years for both of you.
•••
Brain Tease: This riddle reminds me how difficult it often is to communicate effectively.
“How can you drop a raw egg from a height onto a concrete floor without cracking it?”
•••
The name of the 1959-1964 anthology television series, created by Rod Serling, in which characters find themselves dealing with often disturbing or unusual events, was “The Twilight Zone.” I received correct answers from Nancy Higgins, Doug Nelson, Donna Mollet, Judy Kiser, Tina Castanares, Jay Waterbury, Dave Lutgens, Glenna Mahurin, Craig Terry, Lana Tepfer, Patty Burnett, Stephen Woolpert, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Linda Frizzell, Rebecca Abrams, and Anna O’Donnell, who is this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.
•••
Last week, while watching the movie of the Joad family traveling Route 66 in their converted Hudson automobile from Oklahoma to California, I missed Pat Evenson-Brady, Mike Yarnell, Jess and Kim Birge, Marny Weting, Craig Terry, and Mary Jette.
•••
In response to last week’s column, Dave Lutgens suggested that today’s kids should watch “The West Wing.” Marny Weting would also suggest this television sitcom, which aired on ABC from 1952 to 1966, and is the answer to this week’s “Remember When” question. What was the title of the live-action sitcom that represented 1950s values and starred a real-life couple and their two sons as they grew up on the show? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-980-4645, or send it with a recording of the “Garden Party”.
•••
Well, it’s been another week trying to keep my head straight. Until we meet again, if I could only remember all I once knew.
•••
“If you don’t become the ocean you’ll be seasick every day.”
— Leonard Cohen
•••
Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.
Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) — Wednesdays with music on second and fourth Wednesdays; Mt. Hood Town Hall (541-308-5997) — Tuesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333).
For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services: Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068), and in Skamania County call Senior Services (509-427-3990).
I’ve found there have been several stages in my life: youth, when I had no idea what I was doing; marriage, when I had no idea what I was doing; several careers, when I had no idea what I was doing; and raising a family, when — well, you get the picture.
During those life stages, I should have known what I was doing, but looking back, I didn’t have a clue. Actually, there were many clues; I just wasn’t paying much attention! And surprisingly, everything turned out okay: fantastic marriage, although it took two tries, meaningful careers, and wonderful children.
But there is one more stage that most of us look forward to: retirement, when you or your partner, and then eventually both of you, are no longer working, accompanied by feelings of both relief and excitement, as well as anxiety and perhaps a little sadness. Retirement can be the icing on the cake, but what we may not expect is that retirement can put quite a strain on a marriage.
On the Psychology Today website, Katherine King posted “Happy Together: Six Tips for Marriage After Retirement,” where she offers the following suggestions to avoid some of the stresses in a marriage after retirement.
1. Be patient with each other.
Retirement can be a complicated transition. Both of you had your routines, and you knew what to expect; now they have been disrupted. With more time together, you need to establish new routines and habits as you learn and adapt in this new relationship with your partner.
2. Notice changes in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Be aware of any changes in your relationship and identify ways to cope, such as walks, volunteering, or how about a romantic dinner? And listen attentively; don’t interrupt each other. And what I still haven’t learned — only provide advice or feedback when your partner asks!
3. Don’t make any major decisions.
Since retirement can be emotionally challenging, you may be asking yourself, How will I adjust to the reduction in income? Or worse, Can the marriage survive? Avoid doing anything hasty and make any changes gradually. Give yourselves some time to adjust to retirement.
4. Don’t expect your partner to entertain you.
Your partner has had their own daily routines without you. Spend time getting to know how your partner likes to spend their time, and look within yourself to discover the activities you most enjoy.
Which leads to:
5. Rediscover yourself and your own interests.
What have you always wanted to try? What new skill do you want to master? What do you enjoy? What gives you purpose?
6. Be curious and supportive of each other.
After all your years together, you might find there is still much you don’t know about each other. Remember, before retirement you spent much of your waking hours apart. Give each other some breathing room.
In retirement, be patient, curious, and supportive, so those years become a time to strengthen your marriage by growing closer together and making the most of the remaining years for both of you.
•••
Brain Tease: This riddle reminds me how difficult it often is to communicate effectively.
“How can you drop a raw egg from a height onto a concrete floor without cracking it?”
•••
The name of the 1959-1964 anthology television series, created by Rod Serling, in which characters find themselves dealing with often disturbing or unusual events, was “The Twilight Zone.” I received correct answers from Nancy Higgins, Doug Nelson, Donna Mollet, Judy Kiser, Tina Castanares, Jay Waterbury, Dave Lutgens, Glenna Mahurin, Craig Terry, Lana Tepfer, Patty Burnett, Stephen Woolpert, Jess Birge, Rhonda Spies, Linda Frizzell, Rebecca Abrams, and Anna O’Donnell, who is this week’s winner of a quilt raffle ticket.
•••
Last week, while watching the movie of the Joad family traveling Route 66 in their converted Hudson automobile from Oklahoma to California, I missed Pat Evenson-Brady, Mike Yarnell, Jess and Kim Birge, Marny Weting, Craig Terry, and Mary Jette.
•••
In response to last week’s column, Dave Lutgens suggested that today’s kids should watch “The West Wing.” Marny Weting would also suggest this television sitcom, which aired on ABC from 1952 to 1966, and is the answer to this week’s “Remember When” question. What was the title of the live-action sitcom that represented 1950s values and starred a real-life couple and their two sons as they grew up on the show? Email your answer to mcseniorcenter@gmail.com, leave a message at 541-980-4645, or send it with a recording of the “Garden Party”.
•••
Well, it’s been another week trying to keep my head straight. Until we meet again, if I could only remember all I once knew.
•••
“If you don’t become the ocean you’ll be seasick every day.”
— Leonard Cohen
•••
Nutritious home-delivered and in-person meals are available at noon Monday through Friday unless otherwise noted.
Seniors of Mosier Valley (541-980-1157) — Wednesdays with music on second and fourth Wednesdays; Mt. Hood Town Hall (541-308-5997) — Tuesdays; Hood River Valley Adult Center (541-386-2060); Sherman County Senior and Community Center (541-565-3191); The Dalles Meals-on-Wheels (541-298-8333).
For meal sites in Washington, call Klickitat County Senior Services: Goldendale office (509-773-3757) or the White Salmon office (509-493-3068), and in Skamania County call Senior Services (509-427-3990).
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