February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month

Dating violence is more common than people think, especially among teens and young adults. According to LoveIsRespect.org, one in three teens in the US will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with. Forty-three percent of college women report experiencing violent or abusive dating behaviors.

The warning signs of abusive dating behavior can be subtle at first, then progress to things like checking your phone, email, or social media accounts without your permission; putting you down frequently, sometimes in front of others; isolating you from friends or family whether it be physically, financially, or emotionally; displaying extreme jealousy or insecurity; explosive outbursts, temper or mood swings; any form of physical harm; possessiveness or controlling behavior; or pressuring you to have sex.

Young people may have certain beliefs that lead to a higher incidence of dating violence. Author Natasha Tracy of Teenage Dating Violence: Signs, Examples of Dating Violence from HealthyPlace.com explains certain behaviors:

The aggressive partner may:

• Believe they have the right to be in “control” of their partners in any way necessary.

• Think being physically aggressive gives them “control.”

• Think they should “possess” their partner.

• Believe they should demand intimacy.

• Be concerned they may lose respect from their friends if they are attentive and supportive of their partners.

Conversely, the victim may:

• Believe they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships.

• Think their partner’s jealousy, possessiveness, and even physical abuse are “romantic.”

• Consider abuse as “normal” because their friends are also being abused.

• Feel hopeless with no one to ask for help.

Warning signs of dating abuse should always be taken seriously. One incidence of violence is one too many.

Warning signs parents and caregivers should be aware of for their teens include:

• A sudden lack of interest in school activities.

• Failing grades.

• A sudden, drastic change in clothing, make-up, etc.

• Nervous body language (slouching, nail-biting, avoiding eye contact).

• Unexplained bruises or marks.

• A change in diet.

• Increased anxiousness or depression, disinterest in friendships.

• Becoming isolated.

• Excessive phone calling, texting, computer usage.

• Any behaviors that are out of the norm for the teen.

Expressing concern for your teenager’s relationship is the first step toward helping them. According to Opa.hhs.gov/adolescent-health, parents can help their teens know how to establish and maintain healthy relationships. Healthy dating is an important way to develop social skills, learn about other people, and grow emotionally. Another way to help your teen is to establish a safety plan. Check out the Dating Violence Safety Planning Sheet on Peacefromdv.org/teens.

Relationships with friends play a significant role. Positive friendships can lay the groundwork for successful adult relationships, including romantic relationships. Positive friendships also provide youth with companionship, support, a sense of belonging, encouraging and reinforcing healthy behavior. It can also aid with positive academic engagement, helping youth develop positive social skills like cooperation, communication, conflict resolution, and resisting negative peer pressure.

Remember: If your partner hurts you, it’s not your fault. Trust your feelings — if something doesn’t seem right, take it seriously and get help. If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).

For more information or assistance, contact Programs for Peaceful Living; in Goldendale, call 509-773-6100 or in Bingen call 509-493-2662. If you are in crisis, call the 24/7 Toll-free Crisis Line at 844-493-1709.

Join the effort during February and wear Orange to show your support for TDVAM and a teen you care about.